“I’ll tell you who does that,’ she said, pointing at me through the computer screen, “creeps who are aiming to go bareback on the first date. That’s who!”
“I think last night might count as our first date, and no backs were bare, missy,” I said. “Besides, a minute ago you seemed to like the fact that he sent his records; you said we should clone him.”
“Well, at first it seemed kind of weirdly sexy. Mature, responsible, maybe even romantic in a post-modern kind of way. But now…I dunno. It could also be the first thing I’m telling the cops when they’re looking for your body.”
“No.” I waved off her concerns. “If he were planning on killing me he wouldn’t want to leave any DNA evidence behind.”
“Oh my God! Way to miss the point, you weirdo!”
“Charlie, look. I really like him. We have a crazy amount of chemistry. I’m looking forward to…exploring. Safely. Don’t worry.”
“Right. Well, just a few more weeks till you get to explore to your horny heart’s content. Congratulations, but don’t get murdered,” she sneered.
“Uh-huh. So let me see if I can follow you: on the one hand you’re worried that I’m overemotional and what? Falling in love and losing my head over this guy? On the other hand you’re basically calling me a disease-courting slut, who’s likely to end up in a body bag before the end of the year. Unbelievable. ”
“Don’t overreact, Jane. All I’m saying is I think it was presumptuous of him to send his medical records like that.”
“I don’t think he’s presuming anything.”
“How on earth can you say that?” She gaped at me.
“I’ve met him, you haven’t. He’s got a wild side but he’s not a brute. If I want to use condoms we will, and I have no doubt he’ll respect that. I think sending the records was meant as a gesture of trust.”
“Okay, well, why the trust? Why do you need all this trust if you are just going to be fuck buddies? Just bone and be done with it.”
“I’m not about to get into it with you,” I said. “This,” I held up the Post-it note, “was a message for me, based on things he and I talked about last night. I get the message.” I pointed at the screen. “You don’t need to.”
“Whatever.”
“Why are you so bugged?” I asked. “You’re confusing the hell out of me. Right now this whole thing just is, whatever it is. But so what if it becomes more? You act like there’s something wrong with that. Like you don’t want me to be with anyone.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt. You need to protect yourself. This guy’s been wishy-washy, and full of mystery.” She started counting off bullet points on her fingers. “He lives in another country, he’s much older than you—”
“Probably only about ten years older. That’s less than the age difference between Mom and Dad.”
“You really want to use them as an example?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Look, I care about you. I want you to be happy. And don’t want there to be any…surprises. I don’t want to see you hurt again, you know, like before…”
“Like before,” I echoed, my eyes locking on hers. “That was a long time ago, Charlie.”
“Not that long ago.”
“Yes, it was. Brian and I are ancient fucking history. That entire chapter of my life is ancient fucking history and I don’t appreciate you bringing it up as if it has any bearing whatsoever on my life now. On who I am now. Because it doesn’t.” I was pissed, and no longer found any part of this conversation amusing.
“Whatever you say.”
“Yeah, whatever,” I spat back at her. “Look, I gotta go pack to drive to Mom’s tomorrow. Are you coming up?”
“No,” she said quietly. “Mason’s mom wants me to spend Thanksgiving with them in the Hamptons.”
“How about Christmas?
“I don’t—” Charlie said, glancing off screen as a door opened behind her. I saw Mason, her jack-ass boyfriend lean into the room and point to his wrist. Charlie held up a finger and waved him off, then turned back to me. “I’m not sure about Christmas, I have to discuss it with Mason.”
“Jesus Christ, Charlie, are we ever going to see you for a holiday again?”
“Don’t be so melodramatic. Just kiss Mom for me and tell her I’m sorry I can’t be there this year.”
“Tell her yourself, baby-sister,” I said, and I hung up the call.
* * *